Tuesday, April 3, 2012

"The Feeling"

You know that feeling you get sometimes.

You know the one I'm talking about. That feeling where everything is just wonderful. Total Euphoria. You have continuous chills, the good kind not the bad kind. And you're so happy you want  to cry. The one where it doesn't feel like anything could go wrong?

You know that feeling?
What is that feeling for you?
What does it mean?
When do you get it?

With your boyfriend or girlfriend? With your friends? With your tv shows? (hey whatever floats your boat I guess).

I get it rarely. It's always the same way though. I don't get it from my boyfriend (well, I don't have a boyfriend. But I don't think I'd get it from him). Not really from my friends, and I don't watch a lot of TV.

I do get it, however, when I'm with my Lord. It occurs when I'm in adoration, or after I've received the Eucharist. Sometimes it happens when I'm at youth group or in silent morning or evening prayer. I really only get it when I'm with my Lord.

I guess I'm blessed in that way. It really and truly makes me feel like God is giving me a big old hug. It's like a blanket of grace covers my entire body to make me feel secure, happy, loved.

Now, let me back track a bit. I have gotten somewhat of this feeling before; from guys, or "friends". It's a little bit different though. Its darker, not as sensational. It doesn't feel like euphoria, it feels like pride. It is pride.

I realize that the only way I can get the truly happy at peace euphoria that I was talking about is with God. Not with a handsy guy or gossipy friends. That was all fake.

Fake love.
Fake admiration.
Fake everything.

It's what the devil puts in our lives to make our sins feel good. To lure us into the temptations of him, and not of Him.

What makes you feel good?
Is it God? OR the devil?

I challenge you to figure it out.

Trust me, its a struggle. It's not going to stop being a struggle. I struggle with it all the time. Its worth trying though.

Tell me the attempt to getting into heaven isn't worth trying for.


Monday, March 12, 2012

Whats so important about being important? My daily struggles with the devil.

I struggle a lot with pinpointing things that are important to me.

I mean like, REALLY important. Not just things I care about for a second or a day. I can group a variety of things in this category that do actually mean a lot to me, like friends, family, my dog, ect.

But where does my faith fit in?

I end up pondering that question a lot, especially as of late. Where does faith fit into my life, and more specifically, where does faith in His timing fit?

Do I really have faith in His timing? Or only look to my own? What does it even mean to have faith in His timing?!

That last one is a dozy(sp?).

I spend my entire life rushing from one thing to the next, barely even thinking about the idea of timing; any kind of timing really.

So where does that leave me?


But why?

You see the devil constantly throws these negative emotions at us. They all stem down to one little lie: You are not good enough.

Now, let me just tell you, I battle with the whole "not good enough" thing ALOT.

And when I say ALOT I mean like, constantly. Literally every five minutes I counter myself saying "I guess I'm just not good enough".

Is that okay? Oh no, definitely not. It's easier to believe the devil's constant decree of not good enoughness.

I get down on myself a lot. I have found, however, that silence helps to fill my heart. It used to be the opposite. Silence used to make me more anxious, more upset, most scared. I try to be silent as often as possible, which let me tell you, can come of rude I guess. I don't mean it that way.

Silence is just a way for me to think about things. I get lost in my thoughts a lot of times, and here's where it always brings me. It brings me to one of two places.

1. It brings me to say I suck. I will never be good enough, I'm not good enough to be on a core team, I'm not good enough to go to mass, I'm not good enough to be friends or a girlfriend.


2. It brings me to say all of the things in #1, and end with but you really DO make me good enough. Even though its hard to believe, even though its hard to agree with, you do make me good enough because you made me in the first place. And although my human actions go against what you originally made, I'm still, deep down, exactly who you want me to be; your daughter.

So from now on I'll be a perfect little princess always remember that I'm good enough for You and never battling with it again; right?

haha, yeah right. I wish.

Reality is, that's not going to happen. It never will. I will always battle with myself, I will always battle with the idea that I'm not good enough for anyone or anything, but should that stop me from doing what I love for who I love?

What is truly important to me? What is truly important to you?


Wednesday, February 22, 2012

You have dirt on your forehead....

Today is the official beginning of the Lenten season. We, as Catholics, are called to receive ashes on our forehead on this day to signify the beginning of Lent.

So I went to 11 am mass at the Cathedral this morning and it was pretty awesome. I started the Lenten season off with confession so I was able to receive Communion completely free of sin. (Uhm, how loving is our God?!)

Anyways, I was sitting in Starbucks before class today and I saw a guy from one of my classes. He came over to me and we started talking about our group project and other stuff. He noticed that I had ashes on my forehead and goes "Oh, is today Ash Wednesday? Are you Catholic?"

I was like yep, I am! Are you? And he basically told me that he had gone to Catholic school his whole life but kind of stopped as he's grown older. It was a really awesome conversation about Lent and stuff.

I don't know, I guess the reason I was so filled with joy is because sometimes it is really hard to wear ashes because it is such an outward symbol. Over the years I have gotten a lot of different responses to the wearing of ashes on Ash Wednesday, everything from "you have dirt on your forehead" to "what is Lent?".

Sometimes it's easier for us to just wipe off the ashes right after mass to avoid any awkward conversations that may come up.

But, remember that this is a simple way to Evangelize. As 90.5 spirit fm says "If you were baptized, you're a missionary". Be a missionary today and this Lent and wear your ashes proud!

I hope this Lent really brings you deeper into the Sacrifice that is our Lord and Savior.

Remember, no meat today or on Fridays!


Tuesday, February 21, 2012

This Lent I'm giving up...

So about 3 Lent's ago I really started to feel the effect of the Lord's love.

Now, that doesn't mean I'm perfect, deserving, or without fault. In fact, I am with fault more times than not. I struggle a lot.

Anyways, I started to look into myself and the question of "What are you giving up for Lent" was constantly coming up.

Thats the year I decided that I would never give anything up for lent again.

Let's be REAL here. How does not eating chocolate or not drinking soda bring you closer to God? If it doesn't bring you any closer to Him than what is the point of it?

Jesus went into the desert for 40 days and 40 nights as a sacrifice to God. If your sacrifice isn't for God in order for you to get closer to Him than what is the point?

I just feel like so many people use Lent as a "diet" scheme.  So many people use Lent as an excuse to not eat something, so that when they want to their head instantly goes back to "No, I'm giving it up for Lent. I can't.".

That doesn't make any sense.

Lent is about sacrifice, trying to make yourself ready for the outpouring of God's love that IS Good Friday. If it's anything less than I challenge you to rethink your Lenten sacrifice.


P.S. in case you are wondering, this Lent I'm going focus more on the power of prayer. This past few weeks I've been struggling a lot with the devil and such. I went to confession today and feel a lot better. Anyways the priest talked to me a lot about prayer and the power of it. So I'm really going to spend my days in silence, praying and trying to go deeper.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I cannot boast about my love for God because I fail Him daily, but I can boast about His love for me because it never fails.

Do you ever get lost in your struggles? Do you ever feel dejected in your weakness?

I'm feeling it today.

"For though He was crucified in weakness, yet He lives by the power of God. For we also are weak in Him, but we shall live with Him by the power of God toward you." 2 Corinthians  13:4

"And He has said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." 2 Corinthians 12:9